Saturday, July 9, 2011

What Will Happen to Casey Anthony?

So, I normally try to stay out of things like this, because I think any time another "Crime of the Century" comes along, it distracts us from the real crimes of the century, which usually involve CEOs or the CIA or some other acronym doing something fairly nefarious and doing it for a very long time, unabashedly. We have a tendency in this country to fixate on anything and everything that will distract us from the tragedies of our own lives, as if the suffering and trauma of others will somehow make ours less painful by comparison or proxy. Sometimes this is good, such as when a person channels their pain and trouble into doing good for others, alleviating the pain of others, thus making their own burdens feel less staggering. Most people, however, go on witch hunts, insist that people are guilty or "wrong" because of the way they look or act, and operate without any facts at their disposal, just hearsay that they suck up like sponges from the media, judicial platforms, and even their friends and families. A prosecutor's job is to make you believe someone is guilty no matter what, just like a defender's job is to make you believe someone is innocent no matter what; never forget this. If you do, here are some broad examples of this sort of "guilty by association" reasoning, where the defender either didn't exist or had little to no power:

The Holocaust.
The Salem Witch Trials.
Eugenics.
The Crusades.
Slavery.
Proposition 8.
The Inquisition.
Rwanda.

There are millions of examples of this, some more direct than others, but the simple fact of the matter is that no matter how cool the technology is that we develop, no matter how fast we learn how to travel, no matter how much we understand about our universe... we are still, at base level, paranoid animals who are reasonably sure that we are good, and others are bad. This is flawed, but not entirely untrue, I'll admit; a better analysis would be that we are both good AND bad, all of us, and that judging people based on our opinions or what is masqueraded as fact should always be viewed in an extremely critical light.

Nevertheless, I cannot say that I know, one way or another, whether Casey Anthony murdered her daughter or not. Which was the point. As a prosecutor, when you go into trial, you had better have definitive evidence, visual, quantifiable proof, showing a race of people who predominantly survive (still) on instinct and sensation that THIS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY IS WHAT HAPPENED.

Otherwise, as this country learns the hard way, again and again, reasonable doubt MUST be accounted for. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it is true. And yes, I'm talking to you, Nancy Grace. By the way, how are those lacrosse players doing these days?

If you, as a defendant, did something, and they can prove it, just admit it. Don't go to trial; you will lose. You will fall farther than you already have, and pay a terrible price for it. The hardest thing for someone to do who has made a mistake is to accept it, and start moving forward. Casey Anthony now only has to admit to one mistake:  She is a terrible liar. Like, seriously; beyond stupid. Reeeeally bad at it. Those lies brought so much upon her that she deserved anything the judge and jury threw at her for those charges. And I have no doubt she will continue to lie. She is a posterchild for the latest generation of attention whores and pathological liars, and I'm really looking forward to seeing Ellen Page win an Oscar for portraying her in the movie they'll undoubtedly be making soon:  Monster 2 - The Casey Anthony Trial.

That being said, here is what I, personally, think will happen to her:


She will try to have a normal life, but it will be impossible. She is a pariah in her own country now, thanks to the media exposure, and having spent so much time in jail these past three years she will be completely unprepared to deal with it. Not even getting married to change her name will avail her; if she isn't lynched by a vigilante mob, she will spend most of her time hiding from the world, and eventually start doing drugs (and, since it's Florida, let's face it, it'll either be meth or scrips).

Because the media CANNOT SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT HER, she will be given her own reality show... probably right after and before, respectively, MTV's newest shows "Sarah and Bristol Do America" and "My Super Sexy Underaged Bachelorette Party." This will satiate anyone literally frothing at the mouth for more news of Caseygate, as well as appealing to all the die-hard folks who protest her innocence as well. Eventually, she will be seen on this show actually doing drugs... and she will be arrested.

The judge and jury, using ABSOLUTE, VISUAL EVIDENCE of her drug use, will give her the maximum penalty, especially if she doesn't plead guilty, and she will probably go for fifteen to twenty years, higher if they get her on Possession with Intent to Sell. Much like O.J., if you are ever in court but come out somewhat clean, don't do anything that could get you back into it, because if the first time around the prosecution does not get their pound of flesh, they will make it their life's mission to get you again and disembowel you the next time.

As we all know from historical examples, the only way to make sure someone famous goes to jail is to get them for tax evasion or drug use. Since this country seems to be headed towards turning into an anarchocapitalistic beaurocracy, without taxation or true representation, I'm betting on the drugs.

So that's what I think will happen. Come on America, you all know it doesn't matter if she was found innocent or guilty this time; what matters is how long it takes for her to screw up next time!

...right?